What We Wish We Knew: A Guide To Navigating Motherhood with a Disability
Motherhood is a beautiful journey, filled with endless challenges but even more rewards. For us mums with disabilities, this journey is full of extra layers of complexity. This Mother’s Day, we want to celebrate the courage, resilience and strength of all disabled mothers out there. Whether you are expecting your first, already juggling a family, or thinking about having one in the future, we hope this blog can offer you some support. I will be sharing my own experiences as a disabled mum of two, plus some great insights, tips, and tricks from some of the remarkable women in our community.
In this blog, you will be hearing from 4 women who entered motherhood in a number of different circumstances. I became disabled at 19 after a quad bike accident and had my first son when I was 31, so I became a mother over 10 years after I became disabled. Similarly the amazing Grace also battled through the fear of being a disabled woman that knew she wanted children but was uncertain on the reality. Fortunately she welcomed a her little bundle of hope just over 7 months ago 💜 Lauren, Meg, and Foye, however, didn’t become disabled until after the birth of their children. Lauren’s gorgeous twin boys were two years old when they found a tumour on her spine. Meg’s sweet little ones were both under 3 when she was diagnosed with HEDS, POTS, and MCAS alongside epilepsy and other chronic illnesses. And Foye became disabled during the birth of her youngest, so she had to process being a mum of two children and now being disabled, all at the same time.
We hope to show you that even though no two stories look the same, sharing them can and will help support others. It’s so important that you know you are not alone, you can do it, and you are enough!
@whata_pain_inthea with her Gold Glitter Walking Stick
Best Piece Of Advice For Disabled Mothers/Mums-To-Be
Amelia: SAY YES TO HELP!
When someone offers it, take it. Raising children is hardcore for anyone, let alone when you have used all your spoons by lunch time and still have half a day left. It’s important you still have moments to do things for yourself that make you feel good. Your children need you as happy and healthy as possible. If that means leaning on your support system, do it. Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you are worrying about being a good mum, it’s a sign you are one!
Grace: Being disabled doesn't stop you from being an amazing parent, no matter what society says. Love is determined by your heart, not how capable your body is. If you’re ever struggling, don’t be hard on yourself - there are millions of non-disabled parents who struggle too. Its normal!
Meg: Don’t put pressure on yourself to be anyone other than you. Whether that’s comparing yourself to other parents, or comparing yourself to the parent you were before you became disabled. Just because you can't do as much, doesn't mean you are less, you are still giving your 100%, no matter what that looks like. You’re showing your children that adults have limitations and it’s okay to listen to your body. Which is an insanely important lesson that everyone should learn.
Foye: Every age your child hits, there will be new challenges. I try and tell myself that no matter the circumstance, there is always an answer, I just have to find it. I really recommend using disabled mum groups, blogs & even TikTok. These have all been a lifeline for me over the last couple of years and helped me through some of the many challenges I have faced as a mum with a disability.
An Item That You Couldn't Navigate Parenting Without
Amelia: Every mum needs rucksacks! From when my boys were young, they have both been carrying their toys in their own backpacks so my hands are free when I am walking. I also like to make sure I have a bag packed with colouring materials, extra toys, and books in the boot of the car so I have distraction tools to hand at all times in case we need them.
Lauren: I would always recommend making the most of the option to rent a mobility scooter on days out with the children. I have found it an absolute godsend at places like Legoland, Chessington, and Center Parcs, so I can keep up with everyone else, even when my energy levels are low. It means I can get around and enjoy the day without the risk of it knocking sideways for the following day (or week!)
@thepickettpamily with her gold glitter crutch
Foye: I couldn’t have been without a sling/baby carrier when I was using a wheelchair full-time. Using one of these was the only way I could safely move around with a baby if I was on my own. Having him attached to me meant my hands were free, and I knew he was safe.
Meg: Mobility aids! Whatever they may be—use them! On the occasions that I don't have to walk far, I love using my Emerald Sky and Leopard Crutches, they give me freedom whilst looking FABULOUS. I also enjoy making a game for my children when I’m using my walker/rollator so they have a positive association with it. I think it’s important to show them that mobility aids aren’t something to be afraid of or seen negatively; they give us more life, and it’s important our children understand that.
How Did You Find Adjusting To Being A Parent With A Disability?
Amelia: For me, the earlier years of my first son were definitely harder than I thought they were going to be. I didn't consider how long it would be before he was confident walking, which meant there was over a year of him relying on me to be carried everywhere, and that took a larger physical toll on me than I anticipated. But once he was confident walking, life became easier, and as soon as he started school it became easier again. They quickly become super chatty, very funny and extremely independent which makes life SO much less physically draining and completely brilliant emotionally. It can be difficult feeling like the majority of people around you just don't understand the reality of what you are going through on a daily basis, but I do recommend connecting with other disabled mums in groups or forums, because from my experience, it really helps!
Foye: Parenting toddlers is not for the faint hearted! I thought babies were hard but having a walking, talking, mini person, is a whole different ball game. I experienced parenting before I became disabled and I think it’s fair to say, disability or not, each day comes with new challenges but it also comes with so many new blessings. The feeling of being judged by others can be very overpowering at times. I have days where I'm convinced others see my children as being at a disadvantage, like they are missing out on life because I am disabled.
Lauren: Being thrown into disability means there isn’t a lot of time to think about how hard it is, you just do it - kind of like becoming a parent for the first time. There is no handbook, you just have to adapt. My walking stick has now become part of me, it feels strange to go out without it and even my children run to grab it for me as it’s all they’ve ever known. The hardest part is not being able to lift the boys. My spine just can't take it, so if they cry, or fall asleep, I'm not able to be the one to carry them and that impacts you as a mother.
@gracefulthinking using her Bespoke WalkingStick
Grace: I've surprised myself at how much I have been able to do with my daughter. We can play together and I can even use her pram as a walking frame on good days. I’d always feared missing out and not being able to give her a full life, but I'm able to do more than ever thought. The exhaustion from lack of sleep exacerbates my symptoms, but I'm very lucky that my partner has done the night feeds since she was born to try minimise flare-ups, but of course, chronic illness/pain is never predictable no matter what you do to try prevent it.
Number One Mum-Life Hack
Amelia: Get a bag for washing. Sounds so simple, but until you rely on crutches or a walking stick to get around, you don’t realise how insanely difficult it is to carry washing from various parts of the house to the machine! Get a big laundry bag that you can fill and drag; I promise it will make doing the many, many piles of washing you will do in a week that bit easier.
@mindlesslymegan using her Emerald Sky Crutches
Meg: Never underestimate the power of a craft day. The internet is full of ideas and it’s great stimulation for the kids when you aren’t feeling up to leaving the house. You can find so many great suggestions on Pinterest, TikTok, and Instagram pages (like mine). There are even low-energy and low-mess options, so you really can’t go wrong!
Grace: Prep milk and/or food in advance and have a mini fridge in yours/babies room. These two things have been a game changer for my household. Prepping milk and having it in the mini fridge in our room means I don't have to navigate up and down the stairs for night feeds or on the days I'm having a flare-up.
Foye: If you can do it—baby wearing! Having both arms free, one to use my crutch and one to complete tasks, has made life for me as a disabled mum, possible. Stretchy wraps, carriers, and ring slings have all been a life changer for me.
A Great Accessible Place To Take The Kids
Amelia: My family absolutely loves Sandsend in Whitby. I love going to the beach but often find the walk from the car can make it more hassle than it's worth. Sandsend has parking right next to the seafront, plus it’s got a café and a loo there too, so I’m not having to trek miles to feed the kids or get them to the bathroom. It’s a really beautiful spot where the kids can run around and I can enjoy it too!
Lauren: Disneyland. I thought it was going to be really hard to navigate the park as a disabled person, especially as I knew how much walking was involved. But the inclusivity and help exceed anything I thought it would be - the staff were outstanding; nothing was too much trouble. I even managed to hire a mobility scooter and secure a queue jump. I couldn’t have done the trip without either of these things, and the kids had the most amazing time.
Mindlessly Meg: ROARR! ~ the dinosaur park in Norwich. They have rides for wheelchair users, you can rent ear defenders and mobility scooters, multiple disabled toilets, accessible pathways, they allow service dogs, and they even have a quiet room where you can take breaks. We always have such a lovely day and it’s never a waste of energy making memories there.
We hope these shared experiences offer you some comfort, inspiration, and practical strategies. Whether you are new to motherhood, thinking of the future, or just finding being a parent a struggle. Remember, you are not alone, and together, we are stronger!
If you have found this guide useful, please do share it with another mum that may be needing some support too. You may also enjoy reading a little bit more about some of the women included in this blog:
